Still Learning
by lonelycannibal
Summary: As soon as I'd got to my room, I dumped my bags on the floor, toed off my Docs and flopped down on the bed, shoving my face into a pillow and screaming at the top of my lungs. I was in AMERICA. A young British teenager adventures into the world of YouTube and Internet fame, but what will come of it? Contains graphic self harm, sexual content, sexual abuse and rape


Chapter 1: There She Goes (Absent) - Neve

"Hey guys, RadieCat here!" Those four words haunted me as I stepped into the airport. Someone must have been watching my videos somewhere but I couldn't tell where it was coming from. I felt both glowingly proud and horrendously awkward that someone was watching me on the internet. I put my silent headphones over my ears, smoothed down my skirt and grabbed my bag. A taxi had been called to take me to the hotel along with my new acquaintance Emma Blackery, who had gone to the airport loos. I deigned to wait; it was my first time in America and I was still figuring out the accents, let alone the public commodities, and so I'd decided early on that I'd rather hold it than brave the LA public toilets just yet.

I must have zoned out thinking about toilets because I jumped as Emma laid a hand on my shoulder.

"Taxi's here, Raden. You can sleep at the hotel, don't worry!" She grinned widely at me and I smiled back. The crippling anxiety that had rendered me unable to move or speak back at Stansted Airport had subsided, leaving nothing but a knot in my stomach and a sour taste in my mouth. I was lucky that Emma chose to ignore my shaking hands as I brushed my hair out of my face. A balding man with a gravelly voice helped me into the taxi with my bags and as soon I was settled I fell asleep.

I awoke to the sound of my own name and opened my eyes to see Emma's face smiling down at me.

"We're here."

By the way her clammy hand gripped mine as we walked into the posh hotel, past security who checked our names off an exclusive list, she was as nervous and excited as I was. Nervecited, as I liked to call it. I told her that and she laughed.

"Yeah, I always get, ah… nervecited before cons. It's not something you ever get used to." This did not reassure me.

I felt very out of place, my Adventure Time Doc Martens stomping on the stone floors as we were ushered into a large room filled with people sat on chairs and brightly coloured beanbags.

We were immediately greeted by who I recognised as Signe Hansen and Amy Nelson, also known as their YouTube names Wiishu and Planet Peebles. They said enthusiastic hellos and hugged us both, but I wasn't focussing on them. I couldn't get over how many people were in this room. I was sure I was seconds away from having a major panic attack. A hand clapped onto my shoulder caused me to suck in breath quickly and almost crumple to the floor. I spin around to see a cutie with a big grin and blue hair looking back at me with chocolate brown eyes. His adorkableness threw me for a second, and I just blinked owlishly at him, at a loss for words.

"I'm Ethan, and you must be Raden, right? I absolutely love your videos!"

"Oh my gosh, thank you! They're pretty shit though. I love all of yours!" I snapped out of my reverie as he reached over to shake my hand. His soft palm lingered for a little too long in mine, and I could feel myself blushing. This was a whole new type of anxiety.

"So, a group of us were planning on heading for coffee soon, are you interested?" His little face looked so hopeful, but my stomach lurched at the idea of being around more people than I had to.

"I'd absolutely love that, I really would, but this jet lag is killing me and I might have to go and take a nap…" I lied, rubbing the back of my neck sheepishly.

"Oh. That's ok, there'll always be other times! Look, here's my number. If you text me when you're hungry later, I'll bring you up some pizza! I may or may not have every Adventure Time episode illegally downloaded on my laptop, we could have a two person pizza party!" This boy. He was killing me already.

"Definitely! Thank you so much!" He hugged me and waved as I snuck out of the crowds and headed towards the lifts.

As soon as I'd got to my room, I dumped my bags on the floor, toed off my Docs and flopped down on the bed, shoving my face into a pillow and screaming at the top of my lungs. I couldn't tell whether I was screaming out of frustration, anger or excitement, but I knew that I just needed to take a minute and scream. I was in _America_. In _LA_. One day away from doing my first panel at my first _con._ My body thrummed with excitement and I rolled about on the huge bed. I was giddy with glee, and in that moment I was so glad that I didn't take up Ethan's offer because I didn't know if I could have contained myself. Breathing heavily, I rolled onto my back and stared up at the ceiling. This was going to be a good day.

I must have actually fallen asleep because I was awoken by the sound of someone knocking on my door. Dragging myself out of bed, I adjusted my sleeves before unlocking the door. It was Ethan, holding coffees in one hand and balancing his laptop atop pizza boxes in the other. His smile was a comfort, and I took the coffees out of his hands to help him.

"Thanks. I got you a cappuccino; you posted on your Instagram a while ago about how you liked cappuccinos. Wait, that sounds like I'm a stalker. I'm not," he rambled adorably, blushing.

"Thank you! I love cappuccinos. And I've stalked your Instagram too, don't worry." He giggled at that, setting down the pizza and his laptop.

"So, should we have a marathon and start from the beginning?" He grinned at me and I beamed back.


End file.
